Whose manual are we following?
WALKING THROUGH THE STREETS OF NYC
The journey of self-discovery
A big aspect of the journey of life appears to be about discovering our original voice and getting to know ourselves. It's about writing our own manual for how we want to spend our days, tailored to our natural strengths and talents. Listening to our own call in a world of constant noise to follow someone else’s.
The Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung, known for his theories on the collective unconscious, archetypes, and the process of individuation reminds us where to look when searching for directions:
“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart. Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakes. “
Recent psychological research supports Jung's perspective. A 2019 study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that authenticity is strongly linked to well-being and life satisfaction. The researchers discovered that individuals who reported living more authentically also experienced greater positive emotions, self-esteem, and overall life satisfaction.
The importance of listening to our inner voice
This journey of self-discovery is not always straightforward or easy. As much as we search for information to set up a roadmap to live by, we curiously often seem to evade taking a deeper look at ourselves and our potential. As it seems, while the only realm of control is ourselves, that’s the one we tend to avoid.
It´s an easy strategy to evade our true self, by retreating to the comfort of a predefined script for a surface story that might look good even if it does not feel that good. We don’t go any further than seeing what we want to see, as going beyond that requires energy we can’t seem to easily bring up. As M. Scott Peck, the influential American psychiatrist and author, points out in “The road less travelled”:
“Human beings are poor examiners, subject to superstition, bias, prejudice, and a profound tendency to see what they want to see rather than what is really there.”
This tendency to avoid self-examination can lead us to miss our true calling. In a way, this can be seen as a betrayal of living our full potential, letting ourselves down as we remain loyal to external factors. Steve Jobs points out the tendency for our own voices to be drowned out by external noise, hinting that our hearts know the way, while urging us not to settle but to stay engaged, in his commencement address at Stanford University:
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”
Finding personal purpose
There are some inspiring individuals that manage to break through this barrier and find their authentic path though, as I was reminded during a conversation with my dad, who is a pianist. When debating about how we can all contribute best, he mentioned that some things, like playing the piano, are essential.
While this obviously does not pass as a universal answer, for him this is his personal manual he trusts, as he has heard his call of the soul. By embracing this innate calling, he finds a sense of purpose that allows him to contribute peacefully and joyfully to his surroundings. He extends this expression of his nature beyond himself through his interactions with his pupils and community, fostering a well of inner strength in his now inspiringly energetic late 80´s.
The power of authenticity
Despite our attempts to bend our natural orbit—to conform to expectations or fit into roles that don't suit us—we seem to function best in our most genuine state. Like planets that thrive in their unique paths around the sun, we find our greatest stability and energy when we honor our innate tendencies and strengths rather than trying to force ourselves into ill-fitting molds.
This idea of authenticity being our true instrument is beautifully captured by the innovative record producer Rick Rubin in “The Creative Act, A Way of Being”:
“No matter what tools you use to create,
The true instrument is you.
And through you,
The universe that surrounds us
All comes into focus.”
Rubin's words remind us that our authentic selves are the most powerful tools we possess. By embracing our true nature and following our own unique manual, we not only enhance our own creative potential but also contribute more meaningfully to the world around us. This personal guidebook, crafted from our genuine experiences and inclinations, becomes the key to unlocking our fullest potential and making our most significant impact.
This commitment to one's authentic path can be a source of strength even in the most challenging circumstances. I was reminded of this when my father was in intensive care, waking up from a coma. One night, as I was leaving while he was still confined to the bed, I asked him if he wanted me to put on some music. While I was trying to offer distraction through external measures, his answer was:
“It´s fine, I don’t need to listen to music! I make my own music!”
His ability to find solace and strength in his inner musical world, even when physically limited and struggling with memory, exemplifies the power of living authentically. It shows how our true passions and inner resources can sustain us through life's most difficult moments.
When we embrace creating our roadmap most suitable for our true selves, we not only unlock our own potential but also inspire others to do the same. Through this ripple effect we increasingly can find ourselves surrounded by people who form original thoughts and do not simply rattle off rehearsed viewpoints, opening the door to genuine connection.
Challenges of conformity
Constantly censoring ourselves to be socially acceptable can be exhausting. Trying to fit in can feel like selling our souls, as we betray ourselves to meet others’ expectations. It’s like trading our authenticity for a cover version of ourselves.
Admittedly, not everyone will appreciate it when we break out of the norm, as it can unsettle those around us. It disrupts the comfort of a known routine when someone we claim to know acts differently.
In social dynamics, we often encounter the crab bucket theory, where individuals in a group may pull down those who try to rise above or escape, as the shelled creatures are known to do. This phenomenon reflects how fear of change or success can lead to resistance from others, making it crucial for us to remain steadfast in our journey toward our own manual.
This social resistance to change doesn't just come from others; it can also manifest internally as we grapple with the fear of standing out or disappointing those around us. This internal struggle often leads to a cycle of seeking approval, which can further distance us from our authentic selves.
Living in alignment with our true aelves
However, it seems that as long as we seek approval, we will not be free. In a way being owned by the people whose opinions we worry about when we aim to please. Being loyal to ourselves can come at the price of momentarily standing on our own, as we possibly reveal parts of ourselves we've been conditioned to hide.
It appears though, that when we relax and stop explaining ourselves, people often seem to be able to connect more deeply with our true selves, which a friend once commented on in a conversation we had about not worrying about how we are perceived, when stating:
“Maybe you don’t need the set picture anymore that other people have of you.”
Ultimately, it's about striking a balance between following our own unique manual and respecting the shared guidelines of our common humanity. This delicate equilibrium requires courage, self-reflection, and sometimes the willingness to stand apart from the crowd. What I am discovering though is, that it can be surprisingly ok to be disliked for who you truly are, rather than hustling with criticism for an image you don´t even feel aligned with.
Embracing our unique manual
On an expanding note, by embracing our authentic selves, we not only open the door to a more fulfilling life but also inspire others to do the same, contributing to a more diverse whole.
After all, our interconnected world thrives on originality, not conformity. It doesn't need more copies; it needs more individuals living true to their own manuals, expanding collective authenticity.
Have you asked yourself:
What fears hold you back from being fully authentic ?
Are you tangled up in following everyone else’s manual but your own?
How do you measure your self-worth?
Do you constantly need approval?
From whom?
And more importantly: Why?