Who are we beyond all the labels?
WALKING THROUGH TOKYO, JAPAN, 2023
Lately, I've been immersed in conversations about how many of us feel suffocated by a life defined by labels. These labels, both external and internal, often stem from conditioned scripts we've assumed life should follow.
While labels are useful for conveying information or making broad distinctions, they can also be dangerously overpowering or generalizing, obscuring a more nuanced reality.
Consider labels as tools, as in marketing, particularly in the foggy area of greenwashing, paradoxically clouding consumers' understanding rather than clarifying product attributes. This phenomenon extends beyond consumer goods, infiltrating various aspects of our lives - from our careers to our personal identities.
In "Finding What Was Never Lost," Alexander den Heijer, a Dutch author and motivational speaker known for his insightful quotes on leadership and personal growth states:
“We perceive reality through a filter of mental images. We no longer see reality as it is, we see the labels and images that we project on it. We are lost in the map, unable to find the territory.”
As we navigate a world increasingly defined by categories and classifications, it's worth examining how these labels shape our perceptions, decisions, and define our sense of self. It brings up the question: To what degree are these labels truly serving us, or are they limiting our ability to see ourselves and others clearly?
The Weight of Labels
Labels, whether political, personal, or religious, often oversimplify complex realities. "Liberal" or "conservative" labels can oversimplify complex ideologies, leading to stereotyping. Categorizing personalities as "introvert" or "extrovert" overlooks human complexity. Religious labels like "Christian," "Muslim," or "Buddhist" can mean vastly different things to different people, sometimes fueling misunderstandings, at times leading to profound consequences of discrimination and war.
While diagnostic labels in healthcare provide crucial frameworks for understanding and treating conditions, they can also be a double-edged sword. For instance, an ADHD diagnosis can efficiently guide treatment, yet it may simultaneously risk reducing a person's complex behaviors and experiences to a single clinical definition.
When individuals begin to identify too strongly with their label of a diagnosis, this can potentially affect their self-perception and limit their expectation for personal growth and healing.
Moreover, labels have evolved beyond mere identification into powerful status symbols. In fashion and technology, brand labels can dramatically inflate prices and shape social perceptions. This shift from information to fueling desire complicates our ability to make rational choices.
The Fluidity of Labels
While labels are often perceived as fixed and definitive, their meanings can shift dramatically over time. Take tattoos, for example. Once seen as markers of criminality or social class—often associated with rebellion or marginalized groups—tattoos have become mainstream symbols of self-expression embraced by a broad spectrum of society, including celebrities and professionals.
This evolution demonstrates that labels are not as solid as we like to assume; they can be redefined and recontextualized. As societal attitudes change, what was once stigmatized can transform into a celebrated form of art, challenging our perceptions and encouraging us to question the labels we apply to ourselves and others.
Un-becoming: Remembering Ourselves By Stripping Away the Excess
Where we often don’t look regarding labels is within ourselves. Connecting deeply with ourselves flourishes when given space. Space too often crowded out by non-stop busyness and the infinite amount of labels we have attached to modern life.
After years of racing through high-pressure environments in the fashion industry, acquiring countless labels as in roles, experiences, and an excessive amount of literal clothes, I repeatedly found myself wondering: If all the acquiring does not seem to make me feel more me, then maybe the acquiring might be the issue…
It started to bring up the question: What if being ourselves isn't about adding more, but about stripping away the noise and countless labels to feel more authentic and see more clearly again? Almost as if we forget who we are, the more we add, bringing up the question…
…Is authenticity about remembering who we are beneath the layers of acquired labels and expectations?…
Beyond the Labels: Discovering Authenticity
More often than I like to admit to myself, it has felt as if, by getting lost in representative lifestyle choices and relentlessly rushing ahead, I was somehow living past life. Being lost in what I thought life was supposed to be started to feel like an unsettling betrayal towards myself—uncomfortably bringing meaning to the words of the Irish poet, philosopher and former priest John O'Donohue:
"One of the greatest sins is the unlived life."
It’s revealing to question the importance we place on experiences and possessions. It can bring relief to ponder what we can do without. Shedding layers often clarifying what is truly essential, much like lifting a veil of clutter to clear the view.
The words of Paulo Coelho resonate, as in rather unbecoming than becoming, as if releasing labels is about becoming more of ourselves again, focussing on life as a journey of self-discovery rather than accumulation:
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
This perspective on unbecoming resonated with me. Ultimately, being overwhelmed by excess forcing me to explore with less - less acquiring, less accumulating, and less chasing after noise.
Reframing Rejection
The greater wisdom of life pushed me to experiment with shedding several labels, as soon as I seemed to be open to receive the hints. Not that subtle, I was aided by being ejected from both a job and a relationship, having an impactful skiing accident, and my dad being in a coma simultaneously.
While apparently needing several hard lessons to penetrate my stubborn mindset, it started to dawn on me that beneath the multiple labels of my life, I wasn't connected. Neither with myself nor as in paying attention to the moment I was in. Rather, I was racing along the tracks I thought needed following. It appears that…
…A NO can often be the disguise for a powerful YES, leading us toward our most authentic path…
The journey of looking beyond the labels of a predefined way of living involves the challenge of confronting everything that lies beneath them. There’s the sting of rejection that comes with breaking away from the norm, as well as the struggle to overcome the conditioning that dictates what we believe we must be or possess. Additionally, there’s the effort required to detach ourselves from the self-limiting narratives we’ve clung to over the years.
The Challenge and Reward of De-labeling
Stripping bare comes with feeling the whole range of emotions from pleasant to unpleasant, that can easily be buried for decades under non-stop action. It's a challenging journey to feel whatever arises fully, rather than running away from what is uncomfortable. The Austrian poet and novelist Rainer Maria Rilke, who explored themes of subjective experience, and existential questions encourages us in “The Book of Hours”:
“Let everything happen to you: Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”
The discomfort of feeling rejection and loneliness when you detach from a labeled way of living is often the reason we struggle to detach from a homogenous group that lives in a similar way. It can initially appear like being an outcast when you feel pushed to decide if you are fully ‘In’ or willing to pay the price of being ‘Out’, if you don’t conform.
When making the choice to drop the accumulated labels, we are asked to endure space that opens up when we release the noise. It requires to engage with the superpower of patience to find balance. Balance between standing apart from societal norms and labels that provide orientation, and relating in a more authentic interdependent way.
This transition can come with the challenge of loneliness, which is a different animal from standing alone. Ironically, while we instinctively want to bail from the feeling, loneliness serves as a pointer that we need to return to ourselves some more, instead of leaning into the ever-present distractions that are constantly available.
Standing alone, on the other hand, is about connecting with ourselves, confident in trusting our intuition and inner compass, even when we are in a crowd.
If we can stand going beyond the discomfort of loneliness, there might be unexpected treasures to discover, as the Persian mystic poet Hafiz resonates encouragingly:
“Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly, let it cut more deeply. Let it ferment and season you as few human or even divine ingredients can.”
At times it is the biggest act of bravery to feel all the feelings and thoughts that show up when they are not covered up by our back-to-back actions. It can be an act of human heroism to let ourselves be vulnerable to be touched and even changed by letting ourselves being pierced by all that we are experiencing.
The Possibilities to be found Beyond
Society's checkboxes for success, akin to the labels we acquire, are largely determined through our conditioning. There may be surprising peace to be found beyond these external markers if we dare to question them:
Explorations to challenge labels:
Introduce yourself differently: Engage with someone without mentioning your profession. This encourages exploration of other facets of your identity.
Try new experiences: Visit a restaurant or shop that you would typically overlook. This simple act can open your mind to fresh perspectives.
Practice mindfulness: Explore exercises that allow you to observe your thoughts without attachment, fostering awareness of how mental labels influence your self-perception.
Reflective journaling: Journal about who you are beyond your typical identifiers. This practice can help uncover hidden aspects of your identity and promote self-discovery. Asking yourself what you enjoyed doing as a kid can be particularly insightful.
Embrace your natural talents: Remind yourself of the effortless skills or passions that define you beyond societal expectations.
Identify core values: Reflect on your core values independent of societal roles. Understanding what truly matters to you can guide your journey toward authenticity. Make space by retreating into solitude for your intuition to surface.
There are impactful benefits of de-labeling:
Increased self-awareness and authenticity: By stripping away labels, you gain a clearer understanding of who you truly are.
Greater flexibility in self-expression: De-labeling allows you to express yourself in diverse ways, exploring different aspects of your identity.
Reduced anxiety from societal expectations: Letting go of labels can alleviate the pressure to conform to societal standards.
Enhanced connections with others: When you move beyond surface-level identities, you can form deeper, more meaningful connections with others.
Openness to new experiences: De-labeling cultivates a mindset that embraces new perspectives, encouraging exploration without the fear of judgment.
Improved resilience in the face of change: By recognizing that your identity is not tied to specific labels, you become more adaptable and resilient when faced with life changes, allowing you to navigate transitions with greater ease.
As I learned when having to drop all at once—without layers like work environment, titles, relationship status, or family status to present myself with—there is less of a fixed frame and script to identify with. It becomes more about "come as you are," meeting yourself, people, and moments without a preconceived story, allowing for more authentic relation and connection.
As the innovative record producer Rick Rubin states in “The Creative Act: A Way of Being,” approaching life without labels can be impactful, even leading to huge worldly success. He encourages us to see more clearly by not labelling ourselves and our experiences before they happen:
“Any label you assume before sitting down to create, even one as fundamental as sculptor, rapper, author, or entrepreneur, could be doing more harm than good. Remove the labels. Now, how do you see the world?”
As Rick Rubin emphasizes, removing labels allows us to see the world more clearly and opens up new possibilities for creativity and self-discovery.
Ultimately, by daring to explore what is beyond all those labels, we can rediscover our essence. We may find that our truest selves emerge not in the roles we play or the labels we care about, but in the quiet moments of genuine presence and self-acceptance.
In stripping away the excess, we might just uncover the life affirming realization of being enough as we are.
Have you also asked yourself?
What roles or labels do you cling to most tightly? Why?
How would your self-perception change if you let go of your most cherished label?
What aspects of yourself have you neglected due to focusing on certain labels?
What do you truly need to be content versus what you merely desire?
What is the difference?