Is Letting Go our underestimated Superpower for Growth?
ON A FALL WALK IN THE WOODS IN GERMANY, 2024
"The root of suffering is attachment.” (Buddha)
Endings are not just inevitable; they are essential for renewal, growth, and expansion. Yet, we often find ourselves caught in a limbo of attachment, worrying about losing what we have or not obtaining what we desire. This constant state traps us in a perpetual sense of insufficiency, taking us out of the only field of action, which ironically is where we presently are.
Letting go is the other side of the coin of what we give meaning to, as in what our attention is on. We make our world by what we focus on, and by what we release. Shaping our reality by what we let pass through and what we hold onto, be it physically or mentally.
Letting go has a significant impact on our emotional balance, cultivating our ability to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
The Science of Breathing
The act of breathing exemplifies the necessity for letting go well. I’m often reminded to let go when I find myself taking shallow, rapid breaths or unconsciously holding my breath during challenging moments.
With each exhale, we're literally letting go of carbon dioxide—waste our body no longer needs. This process is crucial for maintaining the delicate balance of gases in our bloodstream. It represents the crucial over-all cycle of letting life pass through us by balancing intake with output.
The often stress related restricted breathing pattern, scientifically known as thoracic or chest breathing, can have several negative impacts on our body:
Reduced oxygen intake: The amount of oxygen entering our lungs decreases.
Increased muscle tension: Shallow breathing engages accessory muscles in our neck and chest instead of our diaphragm, leading to chronic tension and pain.
Impaired carbon dioxide elimination: Proper exhalation is crucial for expelling carbon dioxide. When we don't fully exhale, we may retain more CO2 than necessary.
We can counter this pattern by taking deep conscious breaths several times through out the day. Each full exhale becomes an opportunity to release not just carbon dioxide but also accumulated physical and mental tension.
The Cycle of Letting Go
In a consumption-driven world focused on amassing things and accumulating knowledge, it is like a self-renewing detox routine to let go of our points of view, past experiences, memories, acquisitions, and ideas we have.
What is easy to overlook, is the need to release our self-concept, as we are living beings constantly evolving, not fixed identities. Upon a closer look it would be rather disturbing if we would have exactly the same level of knowledge or capacity to deal with challenges we had ten years ago. It´s a reminder that…
…to evolve, we have to let go of wanting to stay the same…
Each day, actually each moment, presents countless opportunities to release our grip on thoughts, emotions, and expectations. More often than I like to admit - especially to myself - I catch myself having drifted off to some distant imaginary realities, picking up on it, when snapping out of the removed state back into where I currently am.
Dr. Edith Eger, a Holocaust survivor, psychologist, and author points out in “The gift” :
“Change is about interrupting the habits and patterns that no longer serve us”.
In that way, interrupting the habit of constantly being mentally somewhere else from where we are can bring us back to living our life where we can have impact - in the present moment.
When we catch ourselves ruminating on past events or anxiously anticipating the future, practicing mindfulness can gently bring our attention back to the present moment. This is in essence what we can learn from the practice of meditation, when observing our mind, to realize how often we are drifting off. It´s crucial to remind ourselves that…
….letting go isn't just about major life events; it's a moment-to-moment practice that can profoundly impact our daily lives…
Ultimately, letting go as a mindset, cultivates a sense of spaciousness in our system and beyond, allowing for greater clarity and creativity.
Living in the Present
By cultivating present-moment awareness, we can create a sense of timelessness as we move along with the natural flow of life. Instead of trying to manipulate our use of time by maximizing it, we often overlook the importance of appreciating the only moment we truly have—the present. This concept echoes philosopher Wittgenstein's profound insight about living in the present:
“If we take eternity to mean not infinite temporal duration but timelessness, then eternal life belongs to those who live in the present.”
By freeing ourselves from the burden of the past and the anxiety of the future, we allow ourselves to fully inhabit and appreciate each moment as it unfolds.
Letting Go as Daily Practice
At times I notice myself not wanting to finish reading a book because I don’t want to leave that world; I drag it out. I don’t want to let go of the characters i´ve become aquatinted with, because I worry I won’t be as enchanted again with diving into another world of story telling. Yet as the life-affirming saying encourages us:
“At times we have to let go of the good to get to the great.”
In my professional work, I've equally dreaded finishing projects countless times; it naturally leaves a gap that can be very uncomfortable at first, like the known “dread of the empty canvas” until I remind myself to relax into the space as a chance to regain energy to expand further. This experience highlights a common struggle many face:
Why we struggle to Let Go:
Fear of the unknown: This is a fundamental human fear that often prevents us from embracing change, clinging to what's known to us.
Attachment to familiar patterns: Our brains are wired to seek comfort in routines and familiar situations. Breaking these patterns can feel uncomfortable and even threatening.
Discomfort with emptiness: Many of us struggle with the idea of "empty space" in their lives, whether it's physical, mental, or emotional. This discomfort can lead to constant busyness or accumulation as a way to avoid facing the void.
Ego identification: We often tie our sense of self to our possessions, achievements, or ideas. Letting go of these can feel like losing a part of our identity, which can be a significant psychological barrier.
Embracing Endings
When discussing stalling in a creative process, my dad once told me to “relax and throw away the rubbish and keep going.” It put me back in touch with work being about the process and accepting endings as a natural part of it—letting go of whatever has been worked through as part of overall growth. Similar to how compost from fallen leaves eventually nurtures soil for spring blooms.
Scientific research strongly supports the crucial role of letting go in health and renewal. At the cellular level, this is exemplified by programmed cell death or apoptosis. Every day, billions of cells undergo this carefully orchestrated process, making room for new healthy cells.
This constant cycle of release and renewal is essential for our survival. Without apoptosis, our bodies would accumulate damaged or unnecessary cells, leading to various diseases and dysfunctions. This biological process serves as a powerful metaphor for releasing what has served the moment in all aspects of our lives. The renowned Zen monk and teacher Shunryu Suzuki stated:
"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's there are few."
It's a powerful reminder that clinging to accumulated knowledge can hinder our expansion, while being open to constantly releasing what we felt certain about opens up our mind to new possibilities. Learning often rather being about continuous Un-Learning.
Letting Go of Ourselves
One of the hardest practices seems to be letting go of the idea we have of ourselves and the habit of constantly defining ourselves. Recently, a close friend remarked that I am often putting myself in a box of pre-defining who I am instead of allowing others to experience me anew again and again.
I felt caught but appreciated this insight; it was an invitation to let go of needing to be any specific version and simply be whoever I might be at any moment. Releasing an illusionary idea of control of how I might be perceived.
More crucially, if we don’t let go of how we try to present ourselves, we are at risk of being dragged along by that idea—as a Zen proverb states:
“Let go or be dragged.”
It can take a profoundly suffocating turn when we set ourselves up in a solid life-story that we eventually get hijacked by when having to keep it up, worried about what we might loose when releasing it.
A friend recently explained how she felt stuck in an unhappy marriage of acclaimed social status which makes her part of a society she was always craving to be accepted by. She admitted to struggling to release the perks of her current life-style, paying the price of exchanging authentic fulfilment for outer acknowledgement and superficial comfort.
Encouragingly, Lynne Twist, a global visionary and author known for her work on conscious living reminds us:
“When you let go of trying to get more of what you don't really need, it frees up oceans of energy to make a difference with what you have.”
A Lesson in Letting Go Beyond Materialistic impact
I had an interesting lesson about letting go when my father was in neurological rehabilitation after his coma. I put his Rolex watch on him—the only expensive item he ever owned—in hope it would jog his memory. Unfortunately, it was stolen shortly after.
I avoided addressing it for some time since my dad had not fully regained his memory, gambling if I might get away with not having to discuss the matter. Eventually, he became aware though and mentioned that it was a beautiful watch he loved wearing while acknowledging that the simple replacement watch told time just as well. The experience reflects a universal truth about the importance of releasing attachments:
Numerous benefits of Letting Go:
Reduced stress and anxiety: Alleviates mental burdens of holding onto unnecessary emotional weight.
Increased mental clarity: Enhancing cognitive benefits of removing mental distractions and creating space for focused thinking.
Greater adaptability and flexibility: Cultivating resilience as a key outcome of being able to embrace change and let go of rigid perspectives.
Improved relationships: Fostering healthier communication and the potential for deeper, more authentic connections.
Enhanced creativity: Releasing old ideas creates fertile ground for innovative thinking and fresh inspiration.
Increased present-moment awareness: Enhancing profound experiential richness that comes from fully inhabiting the current moment without being anchored to past or future.
It seems my dad did actually recognize himself through that watch; his creative nature has always involved working with things as they are—continuously letting go and making space for whatever he is currently experiencing, including the pain of release.
There are supporting practices to incorporate Letting Go into daily life:
Meditation: Start your day with a brief meditation.
Breathing exercises: Practice conscious breathing throughout the day.
Journaling: Engage in daily "letting go" journaling exercises.
Release attachment to specific outcomes: Practice focusing on the process.
Consciously transition: Consciously release what you were just occupied by to switch to the next activities without taking the past energy with you.
Come back to the present: Set reminders on your phone for self-check-ins.
Practice acceptance: Let small annoyances pass bye without holding on.
Body scanning: Take note of the tensions in your body to release them.
Declutter: Regularly declutter your possessions.
The key is to make letting go a consistent practice woven throughout your day—starting small with one or two suggestions and gradually building habits over time while being patient with yourself throughout this process, letting go of self-judgment.
Ultimately, letting go means working with each moment—accepting ongoing endings as opportunities for new beginnings while embracing constant change without seeking security in false solidity.
By exploring life with wonder while trusting that endings will open doors for new ideas and unexpected expansion, we heighten our energy levels as we release what no longer serves us to serve the current moment with full power.
Have you asked yourself:
Are you scared of losing what you have?
Can you let each moment pass as it happens?
What do you need to release today?
How might your life change if you practiced letting go more consciously?