What do we actually gain from comparing?
OVERLOOKING THE BOND, SHANGHAI, CHINA, 2019
In our increasingly interconnected world, comparison has become an almost constant companion. From personal achievements to professional milestones, we're continually exposed to opportunities for measuring ourselves against others.
Whether in real-life interactions or virtual spaces, the temptation to compare is ever-present, shaping our perceptions of success and self-worth.
This pervasive habit of comparison encompasses both potential benefits and hidden costs, impacting our lives in profound ways.
In the age of social media, this tendency has been given literal platforms, allowing us to compare ourselves relentlessly, often based on incomplete or misleading information. Tragically, we can fall for carefully curated representations of others' lives, leading us to undervaluing our unique journeys.
Joana Vasconcelos, a renowned Portuguese contemporary artist known for her large-scale sculptures and installations, stated in her exhibit at Schloss Gottorf in Schleswig:
“The scale by itself does not have a magical quality, the main goal is to offer different perspectives on reality”.
Vasconcelos's insight reminds us that the metrics we use for comparison are not fixed or universal. We have the power to adjust our 'scales' of comparison, focusing on aspects that truly matter to us rather than arbitrary or societal standards.
While comparison can inspire us to grow, it's crucial to remember that our unique perspectives are valuable in themselves. The goal isn't to match others' scales but to find the perspective that allows us to appreciate our own reality fully.
Comparison can help us situate ourselves within a larger context, as we are social creatures who naturally reflect upon ourselves through the lens of our community. This process of social mirroring allows us to gauge our progress, adjust our aspirations, and find our place within the collective narrative.
Yet, we seem to have a tendency to think that the grass always seems greener on the other side. We get lost in scrolling through our neighbors’ lives—whether in the real or digital world—rather than trying to find a home in our own reality.
When coming across the lines of Ocean Vuong in “On Earth We´re Briefly Gorgeous” it made me think of how our focus is so often anywhere but on ourselves :
“You gave me a look, leaned back, and sighed. “everything good is always somewhere else”, you said after a while, and changed the channel.”
It's easy to neglect that each of us is meant to operate on our own channel and timeline. We forget about being tasked with carving out our unique path while getting lost in comparing it to countless others.
As we delve deeper into the effects of comparison, it becomes clear that they manifest in various ways, influencing our psychological well-being, emotional health, and creative and professional lives:
The psychological impact of comparison:
Distorted self-perception: Frequent comparisons can lead to an unbalanced view of oneself, either inflating or deflating our sense of self-worth based on arbitrary standards.
Loss of intrinsic motivation: We become overly fixated on external yardsticks for self-evaluation through excessive social comparisons.
Disconnection from personal values: Our own goals and values can become obscured by the constant focus on others' achievements.
Imposter syndrome: Upward comparisons can fuel feelings of inadequacy and the belief that we don't deserve our successes.
There are emotional and social consequences like:
Emotional exhaustion: The continuous process of comparing oneself to others can be emotionally draining, leading to burnout and decreased overall well-being.
Loss of present-moment awareness: Constant comparison can keep us stuck in a cycle of past regrets or future anxieties.
Diminished empathy: Downward comparisons can promote a lack of empathy and feelings of superiority towards others.
Strained relationships: Excessive comparison can create tension in personal and professional relationships.
There are creative and professional implications:
Intuition suppression: We become distracted and overwhelmed by comparative input, losing trust in our authentic voice and decision-making ability.
Innovation paralysis: Constant comparison can lead to creative stagnation or mere imitation rather than true innovation.
Risk aversion: The fear of not measuring up to others can suppress risk-taking and experimentation.
Misaligned goals: Comparison may lead us to pursue paths or projects that don't align with our true passions or strengths.
While these risks might seem abstract, they can manifest in very real ways in our personal and professional lives. I experienced this firsthand during my tenure in a corporate fashion company, where the culture of comparison had profound effects on creativity and self-trust.
The relentless drive to outshine competitors at times overshadowed my trust in my instincts. And as we adopt external yardsticks to guide us, we can exhaust ourselves in pursuit of ever-shifting indicators, as nothing ever stays the same.
In an environment consumed by the ceaseless pursuit of the latest trends, I found myself caught in a cycle of external benchmarks that distracted me from being confident about my authentic voice. This manifested in our design process, where we often felt pressured to incorporate every new trend into our collections. The result was sometimes an assortment that lacked coherence – like a high-end jumble sale.
In our eagerness to be 'current', we risked losing the red thread of our collection's story, dimming its overall impact and uniqueness. This experience highlighted how excessive comparison and trend-chasing can not only amplify self-doubt but also stifle creativity and dilute the identity of a brand.
As stoic philosopher and Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, whose personal reflections and philosophical wisdom made him an enduring guide on ethical living, self-improvement, and leadership, so aptly put it in “Meditations”:
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
I ponder if this frantic focus on comparison stems from a lack of organizational identity, amplifying self-doubt with the increasing fixation on rivals. This distrust can trickle down, diverting employees' focus from internal resources and stifling creativity within the own ranks.
While external inspiration will always be a source of creativity, trusting ourselves is the most important source to be limitlessly connected to the constant flow of creative intelligence. As Johann Wolfgang von Goethe reminds us through his character Faust:
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live”.
As we navigate a world full of opportunities for comparison, it's crucial to strike a balance. While conscious comparison can inspire growth and elevate our game, excessive comparison often leads us astray from our authentic selves.
Ultimately, our journey is uniquely our own. By being mindful of how and when we engage in comparison, we can harness its benefits while avoiding its pitfalls.
The strongest version of ourselves emerges not from constant comparison to others, but from a deep connection to our inner compass and a commitment to our authentic path.
Have you asked yourself:
Are you constantly comparing yourself to others?
What are you comparing, and why?
How does this impact your emotional well-being?
What is good about comparing?