What can we gain from sitting with our cup?

MORNING STOP AT THE LOCAL COFFEE BAR, STUTTGART, 2024

When I initially moved to New York two decades ago, I fell in love with the idea of having a coffee to go. It had just become trendy, and photos of It-people blogging about their busy cosmopolitan lives always featured a cup of coffee in hand.

Then an aunt of mine visited, enduring two rounds of take-away coffee before sharing her enlightening perspective; She couldn't understand why she should have an overpriced beverage in a paper cup while rushing around when having it.

Point taken. I began to adjust, especially after working frequently in Italy and living in Spain, where I embraced the culture of having coffee at a bar in the morning. It was an energizing dive into life, catching up with a fabulous mix of working crowds, moms, pensioners, builders, and city sanitary staff.

All of us briefly connected beyond categorizations of the roles we were about to take on, sharing a moment of common humanity before moving along with our day.

PASSING BY CAFÉ BAZAR IN SALZBURG

Over time I've found that dedicating a few minutes to a coffee (insert alternative beverage) in an actual “to-stay” cup—without looking at my phone—allows me a glimpse at broader life surrounding me that’s usually blurred by the daily mission-driven tunnel vision.

By focusing on a simple activity right where we are, and treating it as a meaningful moment, we challenge our habit of dividing life into periods of bridging time, like waiting, while only assigning significance to chosen experiences.

The act of making even a waiting period, like a brief coffee, meaningful can change our relationship with life as a whole. We get to go beyond valuing an experience by its return of investment in the classic sense of striving for a specific output.

Rainer Maria Rilke, a Bohemian-Austrian poet and novelist widely recognized as one of the most lyrically intense German-language poets, offers a poignant perspective on the general idea of waiting:

"Life goes on, and it passes many by in the distance, and it makes a detour around those who are waiting."

This quote highlights life's holistic nature, reminding us that by categorizing what we explore, we potentially miss limitless opportunities where we are.

Marcel Proust, the influential French novelist known for his monumental work 'In Search of Lost Time,' offers insight that complements the notion of diving deeper into where we are, even if it’s a repetitive daily act that’s seemingly less meaningful than our profounder plans.

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."

This encourages us to look more closely at what is currently happening, adjusting our mindset to see with fresh eyes rather than constantly having them set on the next move. By doing so, we can transform ordinary moments into unimaginable chances of discovery and presence.

I used to be uncomfortable going to a place by myself if I didn't have someone to meet up with. Be it at a coffee shop, bar, restaurant or the movies. Usually i scrawled through my phone with a busy expression on my face to bridge the insecure feeling of being exposed to life without an agenda even for the briefest moment.

Over time though, as people occasionally didn't show up, I noticed how not being in constant planned interaction led to having some of the most interesting conversations I would never have anticipated. Life seemed to send strangers to connect with, reminding me that we are connected as a greater whole.

As a tipping point gradually emerged, I now easily feel suffocated by an overly dense social planning grid when I don't have space to roam around by myself for a moment without agenda. I've come to perceive these raw and unscheduled connections as true treasures in our planned-to-the-minute lives, leading me to believe that…

…unscheduled time might be one of the biggest luxuries in our rushed days….

In this way, a few minutes solely dedicated to a coffee can lead to surprisingly interesting encounters and insights. And sharing our latest embarrassment or challenge with someone we don't know is often easier than confiding in someone familiar, as most of us experience at some point throughout life.

By taking note of our surroundings beyond a defined circle, we watch out for each other as a community of shared humanity.

The Irish poet, philosopher, and former priest John O'Donohue captures the beauty of embracing connection with strangers in his poem from “To Bless the Space Between Us”:

On meeting a stranger;

With respect

And reverence

That the unknown

Between us

Might flower

Into discovery

And lead us

Beyond

The familiar field

Blind with the weed

Of weariness

And the old walls

Of habit.

STOPPING ALONG THE ROAD OUTSIDE MILAN ON A BUSINESS TRIP

Being unable to slow down a moment was humorously highlighted at my current local coffee bar recently. A seemingly world-managing business guy rushed in and ordered an espresso to go, missing the point of the beverage entirely. Impatiently grunting for faster service, he knocked back his purchase before he was out the door.

It was a reminder that the art of stopping, at times, seems to be the hardest part, while rushing and seeming non-stop busy have somehow become twisted badges of honor. It´s making me increasingly ponder if…

…at times the most efficient way to speed up is to slow down…

Slowing down or stopping entirely for a moment is a practice that possibly can be the most important decision we make. It creates space around automatic reactions, interrupting impulsive responses, as we race through our day on autopilot.

Briefly stopping can merely be about taking three conscious breaths before we fly off the handle or engage in disruptive behavior. It helps us connect with the moment we are experiencing, becoming aware of our emotions as we connect with ourselves. As the renowned Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us pointedly:

"Life is available only in the present moment,"

while pointing out in “The Art of Living” that learning to stop, even briefly, can open the door to “living with more freedom” as a practice and habit we can cultivate.

Sitting with whatever we are doing is about pumping the brakes to catch up to where we actually are. Allowing ourselves time to process our experiences, instead of rushing to where we think we should be. It's about choosing to come back to ourselves, to acknowledge and digest our emotions and thoughts, before we accelerate, potentially spinning out of our orbit uncontrollably.

By embracing moments of looking up from the rush of the day—whether sitting with our cup of coffee, or simply being present—we create space for awareness, interrupt automatic reactions, and connect more deeply with ourselves and life.

Have you asked yourself:

• Can you stop for a moment in the midst of your race through the day?

• How does this feel?

• Can you briefly sit down for a coffee without further distraction?

• Do you make space to connect with a stranger at times?

• Have you received surprisingly helpful insights from a person you only briefly met?